Vlog about alcoholism issues in the UK

Darryl hits the street to ask Londoners about alcohol and alcoholism in the city. He conducted vox pops with the locals in King's Cross and edited this video during a video blogging workshop delivered by On Road.

Alcohol: What problems does it cause?

Ange, Trish and Paulo asked the public about their understanding around alcohol issues in order to gain a sense of public awareness. They asked them three questions:

1. What do you think alcoholism is?
2. Do you think alcoholism is a choice or an illness?
3. If you or someone you know wanted help with their alcohol use, would you know where to direct them?

Filling the Void

Life without methadone is so hard. Well if I am totally true life without opiates is even worse. We're are not talking about pain, that’s something else entirely. I am talking about the feeling inside. The deep longing for something, a hurt, an emptiness, a longing for something. It is the big gaping hole left behind when you stop using drugs. It’s ugly, deep, and intimidating. You know your drug use filled in the space with anger, fuzzy memories, and lies – but sometimes you wish you could go back. Kind of an unhealthy security blanket. Standing on the edge of the void, hoping I don’t fall in. Hoping I don’t jump in. What in the world do you do to fill it up with the right stuff in your new life?

In drug treatment I learned a lot about my addiction thinking. So many lies to myself and others, so much distortion, so much negativity. When I stepped back and really looked at the way I thought about things, I was amazed.

I did about 3 weeks in detox and I have to say it was easy a real positive mental attitude to come off that green shit. Everything about it was nasty the thought, the taste. It made me sick to my stomach and I can still taste the bloody stuff. Saying that life without it is so very much harder. I am that young child again who fell and hurt his knee then went cry to his mum to make it all better. Really wish she could make it all better again. I really believe that detox starts after you get off your drug. It’s what’s left over after that crutch has gone. Someone should has told me about the hell that is to come.

I am unsure if this is a physical addiction but I am a dependent not a user or so people tell me and it was never my choice to take drugs. A medical addiction, it should be easy for you. You never took heroin what’s the problem. When I try to explain about meth to people nearly everyone thinks heroin first before they think why. This was all given to me by the medical profession that’s what makes it worse. It was with good intention but that’s not helping me now

I was so short sighted when my doctor at the time suggested using methadone as pain killer. Fine I said let's go for it. Every drug I have ever used I have researched, really checked it out. Why did I not do it for methadone?  I think I really screwed myself up. Really bad choice. Out of all the pain medication I have used in my life this by far the worse and I really wish I did not decide to use it.

I live with an uncertain future I have really screwed up so much in my life and I am unsure if I can put it all right.

Copyright © July 2013 Sean Fairbrother

Drinking has got me into a lot of problems in my life

It started when I used to go out with my ex-girlfriend.  I was drinking quite a bit, normally about six pints when we used to go out, it started getting worst when she saw me with a few black eyes and sometimes being abusive toward her.

It got to the point where she couldn’t take it anymore. This is when I fell off the bus when I was a bit drunk; when she broke up with me this the drinking started getting worst. When I try to get her I was hanging around her and home, about six pints a day; this is when it started getting me to into trouble with the police and having a lot of convictions and being in prision.

It’s caused lot of problems with my family, arguing and being abusive. Drinking has got to the point where I cannot remember previous; I lost a lot of jobs because of drinking – and a lot of money, and getting into debt, and have lost a lot of accommodations.

Drinking has caused some mental health issues, being in and out of hospital, and as a result of this I have to acknowledge what drinking does. I have lost a lot of friends: people don’t really want to know you any more.

The bad thing about drinking is:

1. it causes anxiety.  
2. your perception of life is different.
3. health.
4. become isolated.
5. aggressive behaviour.
6. mixed emotions.

--Anonymous

NYE Retreat 2012: Shining Your Light

Mindful that New Year's Eve 2012 was likely to be challenging, being my first New Year in recovery from addiction, I wanted to mark it in a special way. I was lucky enough to be awarded funding to go on a 3 day spiritual retreat at the beautiful Buckland Hall in South Wales.

In my difficult early days of recovery, back in February 2012, meditation and mindfulness had been extremely important to me but as the year went on I had let my spiritual practice lapse and I was anxious to re-connect with this. The retreat fulfilled all these objectives and more. It brought me into contact with like-minded people, and I was so happy that they wanted to know the real me-without alcohol or drugs clouding the picture.

The theme of the retreat was “Shining your Light”. On NYE afternoon we were asked to write a poem on this theme. Now I am someone who cringes at the mention of poetry, yet I was able to write a few heartfelt lines that seemed to move my friends on the retreat. I’d like to share this with Unheard Holler and it gives me great pleasure to be able to give something back to SHP who helped me get back on my feet in 2012.

The Light

I thought my light had been extinguished

By suffering, loss, betrayal and addiction

But all these things have only made it burn brighter

Brighter than a perfect Kylie pop song

Radiating wider than the ocean

Sparkling through my eyes

Attracting more light

Warming my skin like a balmy summer breeze

And touching those close to me

Rays of compassion and kindness

Forged in the furnace of fear and loathing

Transformed into hope and love

 
By Richard Kiddle

Disco Juice

The story begins with the Summer of Love 1989 September 9am Hoxton market. A convoy of us heading for Energy Rave. I had already taken my first E. Buzzing. It seemed that we were driving for ages. When we got there it was kicking. The locals were watching in amazement. It was blinding. Paul Trouble Anderson was playing, I had my second E, dancing the night away. Sunday was upon us, 16 hundred people, all buzzing.

All of a sudden the DJ announced that there was a fire around the back of the air craft hanger. Someone had set the cars alight. All of a sudden there was a fire engine driving past. The man on the back was ringing his bell, it was like something from trumpton. I was laughing so much. It was on the front of all the Sunday papers.

The Summer of Love was great but let me tell you, too many parties and too much taking drugs takes its toll. I ended up taking too much coke, I lost all my weight and my confidence went. By the time summer 2011 came, I was in detox. A guy called Dougie came to see me about a room in SHP. Of course I said yes. SHP is a hostel in Highbury New Park.

After about 6 months in the hostel I found an organisation called Squeaky Gate music production with is in Shoreditch. Squeaky Gate is group that helps the homeless. The course involves using Garage Band where everything is done on a computer. Back in the day you had to use a four track mixer a drum machine and a sampler. Squeaky gate has been good to me. Last year I made a 3 minute track. It's a housey sort of tune. I would recommend it to anybody. You can listen to it on Sound Cloud.

Funk House

 

Life Saver

I just want to tell you about my experience during treatment for Hep C. To be honest it is hard, but for people like us with addictions etc., so is life eh? So, don’t let that bother you. Yes, it’s long but like a prison sentence it starts off slow and once you’re into it and stable it’s coming to an end. Once halfway you will want to finish it. At no time did I want to stop. The decision to do treatment was easy because I  wanted to do something positive for my health in a controlled environment with support, plus I had a nurse at the hospital too who was there throughout the course. I was seen quickly at the hospital so it wasn’t a pain. The mental side of it was to begin with a nightmare, it took four to five weeks to get the medication right then I lost the bears head and started being approachable again. One thing I will say is I wish someone had told me what to expect then I may have handled it better. I think I lost it once when I asked the doctor for sleepers and he told me he didn’t want to give them to me because they are addictive, not funny eh? I got them in the end, you have to be assertive with the GP.  Positives are when your liver gets an M.O.T. whether or not you clear it. There are two different types of virus. I got type one the more aggressive one, so I am not putting my hopes up. So, you have the test and find out before writing it off. If you drink it may save your life or at least put a few years on it by doing the treatment. About the medication, the weekly first injection is the one that knocks you out. The others are ok and the tablets too. I found I was tired a lot of the time and found it hard to get motivated. That is the thing I remember most and the loss of appetite. I managed to get the health drinks ‘Ensure Plus’ to get me through the treatment. Everyone’s different, if you can eat great. I couldn’t. Well, it is doable don’t let people put you off, it is your life you will be saving or extending it, not anyone else’s.

J

Moving on

Using drugs has done to me & plenty of others  1 thing & 1 thing only, ruined our lives!! Not many of us become a success, but some of us do. I myself am on the hamster wheel trying yet again to conquer my demons. Methadone is now my drug of choice, which just keeps me stable but, keeps me labelled as an addict. So what’s next? Good question, my answer to that is not exactly new but it has new meaning to me right now. I am in the middle of enrolling on a degree in i.t & computing. Enough is enough, time to achieve something other than being a dropout socially. My aim is to be a network administrator as well as maybe moving over into web design. So my next few years will draw on all my abilities. I for 1 know i can do it as taking drugs has made me an excellent planner, quick thinking on my feet , and setting up my own supply lines selling goods to make money, so study should technically be a walk in a park!  I hope that i fulfil my dreams in the near future & move on to living a fruitful life.

Owen G

Autumn Online with Peter: "I want to write a book called 'Hell on Earth'"

My name is Peter Lewis Goldsmith, I am 31 years old, soon I’m gonna be 32.
Today I have spent a few hours learning editing skills and making videos for my children as I am going away to Detox and rehab on Monday for 6 months.
I thought I’d write a book during that time, to share some experiences with you. All the best

What’s the title of the book you want to write?

 ‘Hell on Earth’

I’ve experience life at the bottom, rock bottom. And I’ve experienced life at the top. That’s why I’ve got fire in my belly …I ain’t took drugs for 6 months …life could be really good. You could be happy.

What’s a good life?

Seeing my family all the time, providing for my family.

If my son wants new trainers, if my missus wants a new perfume. That makes a big difference, that’s why people work. If you don’t look after your wife, some other man will look after her.

Me and my wife we’ve been together 5 years…she’s a police officer now. She knows I’m not always going to be in this position. If you don’t go to rehab she said it’s over. It’s worth it. We might be together 40 years, what’s 6 months?

There’s nothing more important than your family. I want my son and my daughter to look up to me. I don’t want them to think their dad lives in a hostel for drug addicts.

Why did you decide to get married?

I got married when I was living in Leeds up north. I married her cause I loved her so much. I asked her to marry me about 2 weeks before she found out she was pregnant.

How did you feel when she told you that?

It was a bit of a relief for me and for her, to know we could have kids.
We were together for 4 years, sleeping together and it became a little bit of a joke, ‘you’re not having a baby, eh?’ It was my first kid. The best day of my life. Then my son was born.  Another best day of my life. Then when I got off methadone.

Do you think the methadone helps?

No, not really, they just replace the drug you were using before with another one.
Giving some 1 Methadone to get off Heroin is like giving someone Heroin to get off Cannabis, the Meth is 20 times worse 20 times more addictive and 20 times harder to get off than Heroin, but hey if the Government do anything that makes any sense, something is probably wrong!!!

Peter Goldsmith 15/09/2012

First Time Mum

Being a first time mum is the most wonderful experience. Being there for my son, watching him grow, even when my son was growing inside me - every movement, every kick from a side 10 to a size 14, it was lovely. BUT I’m not a first time mum, in fact I have 8 children altogether and unfortunately they’re not with me because I was an addict: addicted to drugs. I am not going to go into the horror story of it all, but during every one of my pregnancies I used and never got to feel the joy of them growing inside me, even the joy of them being a part of my life. One by one they were taken away, I felt like I had no life or future: I was a walking shell. I’m not that same person I was back then; I have been in treatment and have learnt a lot about myself and why I was the person I was back then. I found out I was pregnant while in treatment and I was scared that the same thing was going to happen again. I thought, even though I was in treatment, my child was not going to be safe; they were going to take him away. It was less than a year ago one of my kids was taken so you can see my concern. But I stuck it out and even though it was hard I enjoyed the pregnancy - even the feeling of being sick and going up a size - it felt like I was a first time mum. I was in love with this child - I haven’t felt this feeling before, that’s when I knew the fight was on: he wasn’t going anywhere. Now I’m doing well, my son is 7 months old and lives with me and I’m looking for my own place. I’m happy and the feelings I have now are real and they are mine, just like my child. 

By EA

I’m an ex drug addict and I am now on methadone. My Nan passed away a year ago. I’m missing her so much, she has left a big hole in my heart, the pain is so much, I feel so sad and lonely. I wish I could just end my life. I cut my arms - the pain in my heart is so painful. That’s where all the blood comes in and out of my body and I feel if I cut myself that it would take the pain away. It works for a few days but I wish I did not do it but it makes me feel better. I also got diagnosed with depression and now I’m on antidepressants. I have also had thoughts in my head that aren’t mine - things like I’m fat and ugly, When I look in the mirror I see a fat ugly face staring back at me. It answers back: ‘look at you you fat ugly slag with a spastic face, you’re no good. Why don’t you just kill yourself? No one would miss you, no one would care, no one loves you not even your boyfriend, not any more. People pretend to care but they don’t. So this is why I’m cutting myself and I’m so sad and lonely and feeling like shit. I wish these thoughts would go away but oh no...they are here to stay. 

By Anna Marie Pollen age 37 years old

bish bash bosh

I wish that life would be bish, bash, bosh.

A tablet or something for having a wash

A chair that would dress you or cut your hair

Now would that be wrong or would it fair

I dare not say how life would be

Beings without an apple in their tree

Obviously I mean metaphorically

Coz if life was that easy ways would be wrong

A life of laziness wouldn’t make me strong

To be who you are it takes some effort

You give it your all to get some merit

You’ve got to cherish life as you are

We’ve come along  way as yet so far

Just be who you are if your heart says so

Life would be fine if I had my own abode

S.L.

Please Drink Responsibly



Image taken from Google Images

When this advice first appeared on beer cans, I, like many others found cause for amusement, after all, alcohol is a drug that causes people to act irresponsibly and as everyone knows, once one has started consuming alcohol, the notion of what is and is not responsible, quickly changes perspective and what was considered irresponsible, is no longer as we are caught up in the moment of irresponsibility, which, incidentally, was the objective in the first place!


So what is responsible drinking and why is not made clear on the product?

Food manufacturers manage to put the ingredients, nutritional content and the guideline daily amounts, GDA, on even the smallest items but with alcohol, all we are told, if we’re lucky, is: the number of units, we are not informed of the GDA or for that matter, the calorie content.

In medical terms, responsible drinking is defined as, 21 units a week for men and 14 units a week for women. This is exceeded by 40% of men and 25% of women. However, given that people who drink too much often lie about how much they drink, this figure is likely to be higher.

In addition, medical guidelines also recommend a daily limit of 3-4 units for men and 2-3 units for women. Effectively without quibbling over the relative strengths of different beverages, we are talking one drink a day, a pint of beer, a glass of wine, a double of spirits, and that’s your lot. Also a 500ml can of super lager at 4.5 units exceeds what is considered medically responsible.

According to a Health Select Committee report in January 2010, the drinks industry is dependent on harmful drinking for three quarters of its sales, which incidentally, would fall by 40 per cent if everyone did drink responsibly.  Therefore, in order for everyone to drink responsibly, alcohol prices would have to rise by 40 per cent to prevent serious job losses in the drinks industry.

Researchers into minimum pricing strategies have claimed that a minimum price of 50p per unit could potentially reduce the cost of alcohol related problems by £9.7 billion, prevent 3,400 deaths and reduce hospital admissions by 98,000. However campaigners against minimum pricing claim that it would be unfair to penalise the majority of responsible drinkers on account of the irresponsible few.

Obviously, the Government’s revenue would also be affected by an increase in responsible drinking. In 2009/10, the Government spent £17.6 million on alcohol awareness compared to £800 million spent by the drinks industry promoting alcohol consumption, that’s 45 times more persuasion than prevention. Research conducted in the Netherlands in 2009 has demonstrated that alcohol on TV does encourage drinking in young people.

The other argument for doing as little as possible is the current economic climate. A report by Transform in 2005 put alcohol as 62 per cent more affordable in 2005 than in 1980, a time when the country was experiencing, similar economic hardships. Also recent research states that supermarkets would benefit from minimum pricing.

However, recent proposals by the Government to introduce a minimum price have been criticised for being so low, as to not have any effect.

Consequently, supermarket chains will continue to lure customers into their stores with the offer of cheap alcohol, no longer confined to the drinks section, but now displayed in mountainous stacks throughout the store, at knock-down prices.

Alcohol is a drug, now considered to be much more dangerous than previously thought, A Lancet study organised by the former Chief Advisor to government on drugs Professor David Nutt, one of the country’s leading experts on the effects of drugs, puts alcohol above heroin and crack in terms of the harm it does both to the user and society.

As with all drugs, addicts provide a more lucrative return than responsible users and the Government, perhaps for reasons of its own financial predicament, seems only too happy to let the irresponsible marketing and selling of this drug continue.

The Real Daft Vader - Telling like it is to a Galaxy Far Far Away!

The Scene that swept me away

This is me at Haggle Records on Essex Road in London.
It's one of the few remaining vinyl shops on the high street.

I left school in 1981 and went to work for a record distributer called S Gold and Sons. I was there for two and a half years.  At the time, it was the biggest cash and carry warehouse of records in Europe. I was an order processor and it was working there that helped me find soul music. That’s where I got hooked and found the beat. Although I’m still looking for the perfect beat. I was a vinyl junkie.

Working for Gold’s, we used to get tickets for The Embassy in Mayfair. I met Jeffrey Daniel from Shalamar there on the dance floor. I used to put myself about in those days. He invented the moonwalk. It’s a little known fact that he taught it to Michael Jackson. Tim Westwood was playing there that night, I used to like him and listened to him on London Weekend Radio . He was a rare groove buff before he got into hip hop. Every weekend, I would be out at a “boogie” to see acts like George Benson, James Ingram, Frankie Beverly and Maze, Herbie Hancock and we used to go to soul weekenders.  The beat goes on….

I started collecting import vinyl from Groove Records, City Sounds, Bluebird and Music Power Records. I would go every weekend.  My addiction to vinyl drove me to open my own record shop with a friend, Pat. It was called Contrast Records and was on Cross Street, off Upper Street, Islington. We used to run a pirate radio station from a small room above the shop. We would only ever broadcast on Sundays because it was so risky, we didn’t want to get busted by the Department of Trade and Industry and the police. If they had caught us, the shop would have got shut down. At that time, the BBC had a monopoly on the airwaves and we felt that they weren’t playing proper black music so we decided to do it ourselves for the people.

I used to DJ in a pub called the Greyhound on Balls Pond Road. One night I was playing  my signature tune “Silk Fuse One” and a woman from the audience came up to me and said “Do you realise you are playing two records at the same time?” That’s how ahead of the game we were.  I was playing to myself more than the crowd; they were ignorant about these things and I felt they needed educating.   Nobody knew what we were doing. At that time the only way of mixing was one slip mat and a fader.  We used to do things like playing Acapella tracks over instrumentals. Technics decks didn’t exist back then.

A lot of the guys I grew up with on the scene have made it in the music business, have become successful. But I always took it too far. One party too many.

I sold all of my vinyl for drugs in about ’88. I had about 1300 original pieces and bootlegs. I had started off doing coke on the weekends, in the pubs or in my mate’s studio. It was everywhere. I remember the girls with long little finger nails, painted with the Burberry symbol. They would use it to scoop up a line. It was easy to score and use in pubs and clubs back then. Let the good times roll everybody, let ‘em roll before you get too old.   I ended up using heroin later down the line. And that’s when the wheels started falling off. Some guy came into the pub one night and said “try this”. We didn’t even know what it was. We were so naïve. I saw a lot of good people go to waste.

I wouldn’t change anything but I do have a few regrets. There is a lot of guilt and shame. But I have never really done anything bad, even at my lowest. I never crossed that line. I have morals and I live by a code. I just got swept away in the whole scene, the music, the celebrations. I loved being young in the 80s. Nobody was skint back then; you couldn’t spend a pound note. I feel I was born just at the right time to enjoy this. I feel sorry for the kids right now. They have been brainwashed by the computer culture.

Master Jay

I want to share my experience of addiction

I want to contribute to a blog written and used by people who have experienced homelessness, mental health and addictions. As the saying goes its from the horses mouth, not just hearsay. I would like to see Unheard Holler become as popular as the Big Issue. As a ex addict my knowledge of the pitfalls and all the problems that come with any addiction is first hand I would also like to hear from families who have had thier lives blighted by having a loved one addicted to drugs. I think it would be an intresting read for someone who has been lucky to avoid any contact with drugs so they know the signs to look for.

Martin Palmer