The Mental Health Forms

Being a service user in the mental health system, I have to fill out forms. Forms most users get another person to help them with. They are long, and very detailed.

The first one you fill in you understand it being long and detailed. This is how they get to know you, to make their decision.  When you get your second, third and so on, they send the same form, the same length, the same amount detail. It made me wonder.

Have they lost all the details I sent the first time? Why is there not a follow up form for long term ill people? Do they think I have been cured in-between forms? Do they think I and my team of professionals, who help, would be dishonest?

I have been given professionals to help me, I didn’t hire them myself. They also write to back up the forms, so they know who they are.  So if they all agree (because it is a team, not an individual who helps.) Why do the people who pay me, show such doubt? 

To fill in the book they send I need someone to give me some time. It takes a few hours, sometimes more if my head is in a bad state. Then I have to remember to get letters from others. Then I worry and fret. Then I fret and worry. If I’m in a bad mental health state, than I can close off from the world. Why don’t they believe me? Why are they checking again? Why is this happening to me? Paranoia starts to run rampant.

So my mental health at the beginning has fallen as I fill the form. I’m stressed. Now I’m wondering; why they just couldn’t be bothered to write a follow up form? Why can’t they be bothered to understand people with mental health conditions?

For Information and help on any mental health issues go to Mind.

©Louise Goodson/Magicmayflower.

Filling the Void

Life without methadone is so hard. Well if I am totally true life without opiates is even worse. We're are not talking about pain, that’s something else entirely. I am talking about the feeling inside. The deep longing for something, a hurt, an emptiness, a longing for something. It is the big gaping hole left behind when you stop using drugs. It’s ugly, deep, and intimidating. You know your drug use filled in the space with anger, fuzzy memories, and lies – but sometimes you wish you could go back. Kind of an unhealthy security blanket. Standing on the edge of the void, hoping I don’t fall in. Hoping I don’t jump in. What in the world do you do to fill it up with the right stuff in your new life?

In drug treatment I learned a lot about my addiction thinking. So many lies to myself and others, so much distortion, so much negativity. When I stepped back and really looked at the way I thought about things, I was amazed.

I did about 3 weeks in detox and I have to say it was easy a real positive mental attitude to come off that green shit. Everything about it was nasty the thought, the taste. It made me sick to my stomach and I can still taste the bloody stuff. Saying that life without it is so very much harder. I am that young child again who fell and hurt his knee then went cry to his mum to make it all better. Really wish she could make it all better again. I really believe that detox starts after you get off your drug. It’s what’s left over after that crutch has gone. Someone should has told me about the hell that is to come.

I am unsure if this is a physical addiction but I am a dependent not a user or so people tell me and it was never my choice to take drugs. A medical addiction, it should be easy for you. You never took heroin what’s the problem. When I try to explain about meth to people nearly everyone thinks heroin first before they think why. This was all given to me by the medical profession that’s what makes it worse. It was with good intention but that’s not helping me now

I was so short sighted when my doctor at the time suggested using methadone as pain killer. Fine I said let's go for it. Every drug I have ever used I have researched, really checked it out. Why did I not do it for methadone?  I think I really screwed myself up. Really bad choice. Out of all the pain medication I have used in my life this by far the worse and I really wish I did not decide to use it.

I live with an uncertain future I have really screwed up so much in my life and I am unsure if I can put it all right.

Copyright © July 2013 Sean Fairbrother

Who else can say they have had Rihanna swinging over their head?

A case study about one blogger's learning journey

1.    What was your situation before you got interested in learning?

I was homeless for several years sleeping rough with friends. I managed to get a room in a B & B and received Housing Benefit from Camden Council as it was on their registered list. New owners took over and decided they could evict us and turn in into a backpacker’s hostel. We organised ourselves into an action group fought our case with the help of Shelter and other agencies. After several months of campaigning I was eventually offered a studio flat in Holborn by Camden Council Housing Dept. I think it was to get me off their back and our campaigning.  I would have lost my credibility if Camden Housing had said that I had been offered accommodation and had refused it.  Due to my situation I found it difficult to take up or continue any learning course.

2.    How did you first became interested in learning and what motivated you to take part?

I have always been interested in learning and was always encouraged in this by my parents especially my mother. I enjoy reading and learning I would read all sorts of books but I was never very responsible about doing my homework. When I was younger I did not take learning seriously.  I now feel learning and education as a way to empower oneself. I have learnt that the establishment or officials do not like it when you can put forward your case in an informed manner.

The strangest thing is saying goodbye

Hello

Before l  continue with my blog l would like to acknowledge my husband’s family. l feel that maybe l have been lost so much in my own grief I have left them behind  and this is not the case. l think of them all of the time and what they have lost, a beautiful brother, an uncle, cousin and friend. I recall the day my husband attended hospital to see his consultant and was told he had three months left in his life. My son was with him and the shock was great.  Even though we knew how very sick he was over Christmas 2008, and that it would probably be his last Christmas, we still didn’t think it would be so soon. My son told me that on the journey home from hospital he said to his dad, ‘how will l live without you?’ and my husband put his hand on my son’s head and said, ‘son, you will find a way.’

l think of these words constantly and say we are all trying very hard to find our way.

We all dwelled on the news of how much time he had left for several days.  We were in shock and disbelief.   Finally my husband decided to inform his family members and make arrangements to visit them separately which he knew would be for the last time.

l recall going with him to see his sister who he cared about dearly and spending the weekend with the family. Many months after his death l went to stay with her and of course all our conversations were about him and one of things that came to light was even though he had phoned and told her of the bad news she didn’t realize that he had come to say goodbye and she was very very sad that she hadn’t said more. 

But who can tell after a loved one dies whether you’ve said everything you wanted to say. 

C

Prison Life

In prison you haven’t got any freedom you have to be cooped up in a little prison cell for 23 hours a day unless you work. If you decide to work you get luxuries such as a little TV you can also get a play station in your cell. If you choose to work or do education in the prison you have more time out of the cell you can also use the gym which keeps you outside for longer.

I’m personally trying to avoid having to be put in prison as it isn’t as cosy as it seems. Most young people treat prison like it’s a holiday camp but its not. The way people describe what its like to be in prison isn’t true. You will never kow what it is like unless you have experienced it for yourself if one person on your cell block gets into trouble or into a fight the whole prison gets put on lockdown and you will have to pay the consequences for someone else’s stupidity. They also do education courses that prisoners can participate in which also allows them more time out off there cells. They will also get GCSEs and other qualifications if they finish the course.

by JW

The Helping Hand by Fritz

The hand that hit me
Never done me no good
Nor have I ever learned
By the kick of a foot
All I ever learnt about respect
Was love I received and didn't even expect

There's no justification to do anyone harm
If those that really hurt you are forever out of reach of your arm

Dog eats dog
It's called cannibalism

And if you can understand
You can't hate
But to understand
You've first got to listen

--Fritz

Would You Recognise Prostate Cancer?

Hello again

When my Husband was first diagnosed with Prostate Cancer I felt guilty for not knowing the symptoms but how would I have known? There was nothing happening to him out of the ordinary or so I thought.   My Husband was a very private person and this would have been difficult for him to speak about even with me. 

It was at a hospital appointment which I attended with him that questions were asked and answers given that I first heard about his symptoms.

Some of the symptoms of Prostate Cancer are:

Poor stream – The flow of urine is weaker and it takes longer to empty the bladder.

Hesitancy    -   You may have to wait at the toilet for a while before urine starts to flow.

Dribbling     - A bit more urine may trickle out and stain your underwear soon after you finish.

Frequency   - Passing urine more often than normal

Urgency      - The need to get to the toilet quickly

Poor emptying –The feeling of not quite emptying your bladder.

I have been informed that the above symptoms are very common and do not always mean that Prostate Cancer is involved, however it is best to get them checked by your doctor.

My husband was aware of all the symptoms hence his visit to the doctors but these symptoms had been happening for a very long time and not long before his death he did say to me how stupid it was of him not to have gone to his doctors much earlier but this is where I have to say how was he to know that these symptoms could possibly be signs of the final outcome.

So this is the question I am left with: why is there nothing out there in the general public that promotes knowledge and awareness of this horrible disease?

C

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BEER MATS ON PROSTATE CANCER?

Hello

Have just read back my first piece of blogging just to get the flow of things and l now realize that my intentions of my last blog to be specific about events around my husband’s cancer may be too difficult for me at the moment. On writing my last piece l became very emotional even though l thought l was strong enough to do it so l have decided to explore cancer my generally .

l am still waiting for any progress on awareness for men on prostate cancer 2005 to 2013 l have not investigated statistics wildly on deaths of prostate cancer but within my community  family and friends there is a high rate. Back in 2005 l was informed that beer mats in public houses with information on the subject were out there circulating which l thought was maybe a start, there well maybe info but l don’t see it. As a woman there is much information around  breast cancer and it is well publicized.  l receive letters, phone calls when a smear test is due, likewise with mammogram for testing on breast cancer.

There is a test that can be done to give men a reading of their blood count relating to prostate cancer: you would need to speak with your doctor about this. l am going to end here and hopefully continue next week .

Are the Irish politicians aware we are now in the 21st Century?

I ask this regarding the case of Pauline Conboy a 46 year old woman with Down’s syndrome who had her passport confiscated.  Her crime was to attempt to fly to Florida to visit her brother and family to see if she would like to live there.    

Pauline lived with her Mother until her Mother’s death last year. Pauline needs some support to live but is mostly independent. It was planned that if Pauline liked it she could live with her brother and his family in Florida.

Here comes the crux of the matter: for some reason the Irish passport office took Pauline’s passport off her denying her the right as human being to travel to meet her brother and family in the U.S.A. The reason for this to quote:  “The Irish Passport Office took my passport and my rights away just over a year ago because they claim they got a "report" but it's a secret report and they won't show it to anyone - I'm not kidding!”

Pauline’s plight has been ignored by the passport office officials and the Passport Office Director responsible for the passport office. The Director had the arrogance, or was it he felt embarrassed and shameful about the situation, to leave his office early on a Friday afternoon when he knew that Pauline and her sister in law were packing their bags and trying to contact him to leave on a plane to Florida.  No doubt he had to go to his weekend retreat and prepare for his evening dinner party.

The Irish passport office will not budge and appears to be hiding behind smoke screens and feeble excuses by stating that a disabled person needs to have a “legal guardian”. The Irish Passports Act 2008 allows people with disabilities to "duly authorise" anyone to fill out and sign an application form so there is no need in law to have a “legal guardian”.

Pauline Conboy says: “So it is not Irish law that is wrong, it is the Passport Office Director and the Minister for Foreign Affairs who don't seem to understand that I am entitled to the same rights as everyone else, so please don't let them get away with this discrimination and injustice.

I ask this question: Are the people involved in the decision to confiscate Pauline’s passport to embarrassed to admit to their mistake and stubbornly standing by the decision to save criticism and face?    

Is it not a fact that the Irish Government has allowed Pedophile Priests to leave the country without any questions, harassment or charges to travel to the other countries with their passports intact. 

From Pauline’s site:

Please call or email the Irish Passport Office at +353 1 671 1633, Email: Joseph.Nugent@dfa.ie, and ask them to give Pauline Conboy her passport PC8471397 back right away. It is so hard on me and my family to be kept apart like this for no reason.  We have done nothing wrong to deserve this.  I just want to spend time with my family who love me, just like I did in the past before my passport was taken away. It's not fair that I am now being stopped from leaving the country for no reason.  Thank you for helping me because by helping me you are also helping other people with disabilities as well as helping preserve everyone's rights.

Pauline Conboy says: “So it is not Irish law that is wrong, it is the Passport Office Director and the Minister for Foreign Affairs, who don't seem to understand that I am entitled to the same rights as everyone else, so please don't let them get away with this discrimination and injustice.”
The Minister for Foreign affairs is Eamon Gilmore T.D. who can be contacted at:
Office of the Tánaiste and Minister for Foreign Affairs and Trade,
Iveagh House,
80 St. Stephen’s Green,
Dublin 2.
Believe it or not he has a degree in Psychology from the University of Galway.

McTaggart

Wish to the Future

What I want for the future is well out of my hands, so I want to start by stating that I have no long term future plans.

As I stagger anaesthetised through the present, my wishes for the future are clear, I wish to see my dogs grow old and when their time come comes I want to be there,

I wish to see my children again and hold them in my arms,

I wish to be in love again, but this time live life calm,

I guess it’s only natural that I left this wish till last, I wish to drift off naturally when it’s my time to pass.

NYE Retreat 2012: Shining Your Light

Mindful that New Year's Eve 2012 was likely to be challenging, being my first New Year in recovery from addiction, I wanted to mark it in a special way. I was lucky enough to be awarded funding to go on a 3 day spiritual retreat at the beautiful Buckland Hall in South Wales.

In my difficult early days of recovery, back in February 2012, meditation and mindfulness had been extremely important to me but as the year went on I had let my spiritual practice lapse and I was anxious to re-connect with this. The retreat fulfilled all these objectives and more. It brought me into contact with like-minded people, and I was so happy that they wanted to know the real me-without alcohol or drugs clouding the picture.

The theme of the retreat was “Shining your Light”. On NYE afternoon we were asked to write a poem on this theme. Now I am someone who cringes at the mention of poetry, yet I was able to write a few heartfelt lines that seemed to move my friends on the retreat. I’d like to share this with Unheard Holler and it gives me great pleasure to be able to give something back to SHP who helped me get back on my feet in 2012.

The Light

I thought my light had been extinguished

By suffering, loss, betrayal and addiction

But all these things have only made it burn brighter

Brighter than a perfect Kylie pop song

Radiating wider than the ocean

Sparkling through my eyes

Attracting more light

Warming my skin like a balmy summer breeze

And touching those close to me

Rays of compassion and kindness

Forged in the furnace of fear and loathing

Transformed into hope and love

 
By Richard Kiddle

The Cycle of Birth and Death

A recent experience had me thinking about death, adulthood and birth. My friend’s father had died; in truth I had known him for over thirty years so he was also a friend. On the day my friend was cremated it was the 18^th birthday of my niece; I thought an adult is leaving this world and another one is joining the adult world in the U.K. (the age one does not need parental consent is 18 in England and Wales in Scotland it is 16).  

The “Smithy’s Anvil” in Gretna Green over the border from England into Scotland became famous, in the parents’ case infamous, for weddings of eloping loving couples escaping the English law and parental control. 

As my friends and I strolled down the drive in the Cemetery I noticed the Oak, Elm, Ash and other trees were turning from the green leaves of the summer to the gold, brown and yellow of the autumn indeed several had already lost many of their leaves and had a barren ghostly look in the fading autumn sun shown the thick nests of the Crows and Magpies high in the trees.  The leaves flicker and float to the ground letting the tree sleep during the cold long dark winter months just as many animals hibernate such as the bear, tortoise and the hedgehog do.

My thoughts wandered to the wonder of nature and how people today think recycling is a modern phenomenon when Mother Nature has been recycling and giving rebirth to fauna and flora since time immemorial. In the spring begins the rebirth and the birth of the new as the sun rises higher in the sky warming the earth as the days become longer the shoots of the rebirth begin. Buds appear on the barren skeletal arms of the trees, new shoots from bulbs begin to burst through the once frosted and snow covered turf. Birds begin to rebuild the old or build the new nests chirping happily and singing their songs of joy and love.

The Pagans celebrate the cycle of the year with Sabbats. The birth and re-birth of the earth is celebrated in March with the lesser sabbat, the festival of Ostara (circa March 21^st).

Many Christian festivals were “adopted”, (hijacked?), from the Pagan festivals. Look at the word Sabbat and think of a Christian day or the Christian Easter and the Pagan Ostara. 

The cycle of life continues, mostly ignored by us just as the process of breathing or the heart beating goes on without a conscious thought.

McTaggart

Moving on

Using drugs has done to me & plenty of others  1 thing & 1 thing only, ruined our lives!! Not many of us become a success, but some of us do. I myself am on the hamster wheel trying yet again to conquer my demons. Methadone is now my drug of choice, which just keeps me stable but, keeps me labelled as an addict. So what’s next? Good question, my answer to that is not exactly new but it has new meaning to me right now. I am in the middle of enrolling on a degree in i.t & computing. Enough is enough, time to achieve something other than being a dropout socially. My aim is to be a network administrator as well as maybe moving over into web design. So my next few years will draw on all my abilities. I for 1 know i can do it as taking drugs has made me an excellent planner, quick thinking on my feet , and setting up my own supply lines selling goods to make money, so study should technically be a walk in a park!  I hope that i fulfil my dreams in the near future & move on to living a fruitful life.

Owen G

Autumn Online: 'Why I Blog' by McTaggart

Until April this year I knew very little about blogging. I was confused as to what a blog site was and Facebook, I thought they were the same. So it shows how little I knew about the workings of a blog site and the inner workings of social messaging.

This all changed when I was invited along to a blogging workshop at the S.H.P. office at Grays Inn Rd. I was surprised how easy it was to “blog” I didn’t need great computer skills just a basic knowledge of a computer such as how to press a letter on the keyboard to create a word. There were staff on hand to guide me slowly through the “blogging” procedure with plenty of encouragement from the staff and the other users of S.H.P. who were interested in using the S.H.P. blog site “Unheard Holler”.

I and the others were soon blogging away.

What I enjoy about blogging, the word used to describe using a blog site to add new material or update a present blog, is the freedom it gives me to express how I feel about certain issues, share my knowledge, experience or expertise on any subject or life my experiences.

It can be accessed by anyone in the world and they can add their comments to my blog.

I felt proud and very pleased when one of my blogs was picked up by a journalist from the BBC Newsnight programme and he/they ended up using it as the lead article and main theme for the Newsnight programme. It was about the N.H.S. hospitals in London keeping wards empty for the exclusive use of the V.I.P.s Olympic family in case of an accident or illness.  So a blog message can have an influence and effect on people.

On the Unheard Holler blog site I and others can write articles on any topic/subject draw, post photographs, post cartoons or use prose and poetry to express how they feel about anything.

People have blogged about their addiction, their medical assessment procedure, politics, poetry, having a baby, in fact anything they feel strongly about or wish to share their life experiences to encourage or educate others.

Personally I enjoy blogging, (writing), about topics I am interested in or I feel people may like to be informed about.

McTaggart