First Time Mum

Being a first time mum is the most wonderful experience. Being there for my son, watching him grow, even when my son was growing inside me - every movement, every kick from a side 10 to a size 14, it was lovely. BUT I’m not a first time mum, in fact I have 8 children altogether and unfortunately they’re not with me because I was an addict: addicted to drugs. I am not going to go into the horror story of it all, but during every one of my pregnancies I used and never got to feel the joy of them growing inside me, even the joy of them being a part of my life. One by one they were taken away, I felt like I had no life or future: I was a walking shell. I’m not that same person I was back then; I have been in treatment and have learnt a lot about myself and why I was the person I was back then. I found out I was pregnant while in treatment and I was scared that the same thing was going to happen again. I thought, even though I was in treatment, my child was not going to be safe; they were going to take him away. It was less than a year ago one of my kids was taken so you can see my concern. But I stuck it out and even though it was hard I enjoyed the pregnancy - even the feeling of being sick and going up a size - it felt like I was a first time mum. I was in love with this child - I haven’t felt this feeling before, that’s when I knew the fight was on: he wasn’t going anywhere. Now I’m doing well, my son is 7 months old and lives with me and I’m looking for my own place. I’m happy and the feelings I have now are real and they are mine, just like my child. 

By EA