Prison Life

In prison you haven’t got any freedom you have to be cooped up in a little prison cell for 23 hours a day unless you work. If you decide to work you get luxuries such as a little TV you can also get a play station in your cell. If you choose to work or do education in the prison you have more time out of the cell you can also use the gym which keeps you outside for longer.

I’m personally trying to avoid having to be put in prison as it isn’t as cosy as it seems. Most young people treat prison like it’s a holiday camp but its not. The way people describe what its like to be in prison isn’t true. You will never kow what it is like unless you have experienced it for yourself if one person on your cell block gets into trouble or into a fight the whole prison gets put on lockdown and you will have to pay the consequences for someone else’s stupidity. They also do education courses that prisoners can participate in which also allows them more time out off there cells. They will also get GCSEs and other qualifications if they finish the course.

by JW

Autumn Online: 'Why I Blog' by McTaggart

Until April this year I knew very little about blogging. I was confused as to what a blog site was and Facebook, I thought they were the same. So it shows how little I knew about the workings of a blog site and the inner workings of social messaging.

This all changed when I was invited along to a blogging workshop at the S.H.P. office at Grays Inn Rd. I was surprised how easy it was to “blog” I didn’t need great computer skills just a basic knowledge of a computer such as how to press a letter on the keyboard to create a word. There were staff on hand to guide me slowly through the “blogging” procedure with plenty of encouragement from the staff and the other users of S.H.P. who were interested in using the S.H.P. blog site “Unheard Holler”.

I and the others were soon blogging away.

What I enjoy about blogging, the word used to describe using a blog site to add new material or update a present blog, is the freedom it gives me to express how I feel about certain issues, share my knowledge, experience or expertise on any subject or life my experiences.

It can be accessed by anyone in the world and they can add their comments to my blog.

I felt proud and very pleased when one of my blogs was picked up by a journalist from the BBC Newsnight programme and he/they ended up using it as the lead article and main theme for the Newsnight programme. It was about the N.H.S. hospitals in London keeping wards empty for the exclusive use of the V.I.P.s Olympic family in case of an accident or illness.  So a blog message can have an influence and effect on people.

On the Unheard Holler blog site I and others can write articles on any topic/subject draw, post photographs, post cartoons or use prose and poetry to express how they feel about anything.

People have blogged about their addiction, their medical assessment procedure, politics, poetry, having a baby, in fact anything they feel strongly about or wish to share their life experiences to encourage or educate others.

Personally I enjoy blogging, (writing), about topics I am interested in or I feel people may like to be informed about.

McTaggart

Beggars can't be choosers

Basically you get a young copper that hasn’t got a clue about anything and he comes up to you and says you’ve got to move because you are harassing people.  One warned me seriously and made accusations that I was threatening people.  He said I was demanding money from people which was total rubbish.  I was just sitting there saying “spare change please.”  I used to do it up by Archway by the supermarket.  I still go there; I’ve been in that spot for years. But I don’t want to be sitting there forever; I want to get my life together somehow.

It’s not all the Old Bill, it’s just certain ones.  I don’t know what their problem is, I really don’t understand them.  Most of the time they walk past and say “alright mate, don’t get caught.”  I never want to scare anyone because that doesn’t get you anywhere.  It’s futile, you don’t go about threatening people to get what you want because it’s a dead end, a brick wall that you walk into. 

I’ve been fined a few times for begging.  They say it’s supposed to be a deterrent.  The fines go up into hundreds of pounds; how do they think you can get the money? One time a police officer said to me “why don’t you get a loan from the dole office to pay your fine?” Get into debt to get out of debt – it’s madness.  When you get a fine you go straight back on the street to pay it off.  If they catch you again you have to tell them you were begging to pay off a fine and they just laugh.  It’s a Catch 22.  They’re making a criminal of you so when they pull you up for it again they can use it against you.  It’s so insulting.  I’m over 50 years old now and there’s no way I want to get nicked again. 

One time I was sitting begging and a guy chucked his wage packet at me – it was £300.  He had got the sack and was in a bad way, didn’t know what he was doing.  At first I thought it was great.  I wouldn’t have to sit down here and beg for a while.  I could go off and score, buy food, not worry so much.  I went off to the shop thinking about what I was going to buy, but then I felt bad and took the money back to him. I followed him down the road and caught up with him.  He said a lot of nice words about how he didn’t think homeless people were capable of doing such good things and that he thought we were all the same – thieves and junkies. 

A lot of people haven’t got the time and don’t want to make the time to understand why we are in the situations we are, why we are begging, and they think we are useless and this is an easy way of doing things.  Let them try it!

B

First Time Mum

Being a first time mum is the most wonderful experience. Being there for my son, watching him grow, even when my son was growing inside me - every movement, every kick from a side 10 to a size 14, it was lovely. BUT I’m not a first time mum, in fact I have 8 children altogether and unfortunately they’re not with me because I was an addict: addicted to drugs. I am not going to go into the horror story of it all, but during every one of my pregnancies I used and never got to feel the joy of them growing inside me, even the joy of them being a part of my life. One by one they were taken away, I felt like I had no life or future: I was a walking shell. I’m not that same person I was back then; I have been in treatment and have learnt a lot about myself and why I was the person I was back then. I found out I was pregnant while in treatment and I was scared that the same thing was going to happen again. I thought, even though I was in treatment, my child was not going to be safe; they were going to take him away. It was less than a year ago one of my kids was taken so you can see my concern. But I stuck it out and even though it was hard I enjoyed the pregnancy - even the feeling of being sick and going up a size - it felt like I was a first time mum. I was in love with this child - I haven’t felt this feeling before, that’s when I knew the fight was on: he wasn’t going anywhere. Now I’m doing well, my son is 7 months old and lives with me and I’m looking for my own place. I’m happy and the feelings I have now are real and they are mine, just like my child. 

By EA

A long road travelled

Photo by Bern J. Altman.
Photo taken from http://www.sxc.hu/ 

I was in the army for four years. I was based in Catterick, Durham, Dorset and Germany where my regiment were. The army was one big laugh. It was the best time of my life. I got out before the regiment saw any action. My first time in prison was a week after I came out of the army in 2002 and it’s been non stop since then. I don’t think I’ve had a full year out since then.

I was medically discharged because of my mental health. Since then I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia and severe depression. My life’s been a bit messed up. I have had counselling but it doesn’t seem to work. I have only just got my medication and really hope that will change things. I can’t even go out on my own most of the time.

I met my ex partner in 2002 whilst I was still in the army, based in Dorset. We got together after I spent a week’s holiday in Cornwall. Straight after that, everything happened at once; I was discharged from the army and my Mum died of cancer shortly after. I ended up doing a bit of time in prison and then went to live with my ex’s family when I came out. They are like my family.

I started working on the fishing boats in 2003. I was making good money. I stopped when my daughter was born because it wasn’t a safe life when you have got a little girl. It was a hard job to give up because it meant we had to change our lifestyle. I’ve only ever had one trip where we came home with nothing but other times we would get 4 grand.  When I had to give it up, that’s when the crime started. I regret it. I wish I could apologise to everyone and I could give everything back to the people I took it from. Sometimes I think I just want to get my head fixed and get back on the boats.

I separated from my ex partner in 2008 and ended up back in London where I am from originally. I came to SHP in 2011. I want to give London a go because all I know of it has been drugs. I’m living in the best place ever now. I like the cafés on Upper Street. It’s a nice city and I should be proud of where I’m from. Now that I’m not on the drugs I want to see the nice things.

My goal is in five years to become a Drug’s Worker. When I was in prison, I used to have loads of people in my cell saying to me “I’m stressed with this or that”. They would send people in to talk to me. Now I want to put something back into the community.

I speak to my daughter Kelsey on the phone every day. I haven’t seen her since 2008 I plan to go to Cornwall for her birthday. Now I’m back in touch with my daughter I don’t want to go back to jail. Once I’ve seen Kelsey I might not even want to come back to London. I could move down to Penzance where the fishing boats are.


Paul Stedman