Before l continue with my blog l would like to acknowledge my husband’s family. l feel that maybe l have been lost so much in my own grief I have left them behind and this is not the case. l think of them all of the time and what they have lost, a beautiful brother, an uncle, cousin and friend. I recall the day my husband attended hospital to see his consultant and was told he had three months left in his life. My son was with him and the shock was great. Even though we knew how very sick he was over Christmas 2008, and that it would probably be his last Christmas, we still didn’t think it would be so soon. My son told me that on the journey home from hospital he said to his dad, ‘how will l live without you?’ and my husband put his hand on my son’s head and said, ‘son, you will find a way.’
l think of these words constantly and say we are all trying very hard to find our way.
We all dwelled on the news of how much time he had left for several days. We were in shock and disbelief. Finally my husband decided to inform his family members and make arrangements to visit them separately which he knew would be for the last time.
l recall going with him to see his sister who he cared about dearly and spending the weekend with the family. Many months after his death l went to stay with her and of course all our conversations were about him and one of things that came to light was even though he had phoned and told her of the bad news she didn’t realize that he had come to say goodbye and she was very very sad that she hadn’t said more.
But who can tell after a loved one dies whether you’ve said everything you wanted to say.